Coffee

Last night I read Artemis Fowl. That's right, the "young adult," Harry Potteresque novel. Why? Because I told my eighth graders that I wanted to read their favorite books. I made it through all 300 pages in about 3 hours so I don't consider it a huge time investment, and it will open some doors to talking with the kids about literature. I just needed to confess to you what I did with my Friday night.

Also, Brad and Leroy, where the devil is my pancake mix? I woke up this morning craving pancakes and I can't find it anywhere. There's no way we actually ran out that stuff, so I'm guessing one of you hid it in the toilet tank or the freezer or something.

Now That's Just Creepy

When I came across this phenomenon yesterday I thought about saving it for Halloween (and by Halloween I mean October), but at least part one of this message is going to go stale before then.

First I'd like to say that I'm not a fan of Starbucks. I don't care how good it tastes or how green they are, I just want free Wi-Fi with my coffee, and since early this summer they've become T-Mobile exclusive in most stores, and AT&T exclusive at others. Despite this fact, however, I did find two good reasons to go to Starbucks in the near future.

1. Free Coffee - That's right free coffee, but only for teachers and only on Mondays in September. I'm definitely taking advantage of this on Monday morning and you should too; check out the rules at: http://www.starbucks.com/aboutus/pressdesc.asp?id=896

2. Creepiest Big Business Mascot In The World - Have you ever wondered what that girl was doing on the Starbucks logo? Me either. Doesn't matter. Maybe she's a queen or something. Who cares? Give me my coffee. But this summer Starbucks came out with "retro" labels which revealed a bit about how their logo has evolved.

Turns out that girl with the crown is really a naked siren - the creatures that would tormet Greek sailors and lure them to their doom - and the original logo isn't just less market-friendly, it's downright creepy.

The retro-label is sort of the happy medium. It admits that coffee is irresistible, something supernatural in the water that is luring you to your doom, but at least it's a bit more aesthetically pleasing than the two-tailed seahag they started out with.

So, I couldn't hold back and save it for monster month, but I hope this revelation about Starbucks is as new to you as it was to me.

Also, is it bad that my students are already trained to answer the question "How much land does a man need?" with a choral response of "six by six by two"?

And if you haven't responded to yesterday's call for "I like my coffee like I like my ______" then do it. Do it now.

Steady As She Goes

Lately I've been hearing from all sectors of my Web 2.0 life that I need to focus my blog, refine my vision of what I'd like it to be and get into a groove. I've been taking that to heart and after at least 2 1/2 hours of consideration I think, if my blog could be known for only one thing, I'd like it to be the exhaustive and complete source for all "I like my coffee like I like..." jokes. I only know of three or so variations myself, but I know there is potential there. Try your hand at one today and leave it as a comment.

Breathing Easy

Since I've started teaching, every Friday is the best day of my entire life. Our Fridays are shortened, which means that the kids leave at about 1:30 and I don't teach Latin at all - a small compensation for the fact that the periods between classes are only three minutes. While I struggle to stay on task for that extra afternoon prep-time, I enjoy the fact that the four classes I do teach on Fridays are shortened to 40 minutes.

Yesterday the 8th graders gave impromptu speeches, based on prompts like "If you could tell Obama and McCain one thing, what would it be?" and "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" They were required to speak for a minute and a half and then answer a question about their topic asked by one of their fellow classmates. It was by far the funniest day yet in my class, especially when it came time for the student with the prompt "Tell Mr. Good's life story" to present.

It turns out that in the eyes of my students I am a closet Canadian, born in 1979, to a world renown cupcake chef, and the son of a carpenter with an obsession for rocking chairs. I was also an amateur jump-roping star with Olympic aspirations, who kept rats and goldfish as pets (and a rat curled up in the pocket of my suit at all times).

I'm nearly finished with Julia Child's memoir My Life in France and while I've enjoyed the ride, not a bit of that enjoyment comes from picturing my grandma, a woman who would be about Julia's age, were either of them still alive, and nearly her height, as well. My favorite moment in the entire book occurred on page 289 and constitutes the harshest euphemism I've ever encountered, which is saying something as I'm a sort of connoisseur of kakophonisms. After relating how her dear friend Jim Beard had nearly died of heart failure Child says: "It was a close call. We were now at the age where some of our oldest and best friends were 'slipping off the raft', as the saying goes..."

Okay, first of all, that's surely not a saying and secondly, for any of us who have seen Titantic or read "The Open Boat" by Stephen Crane, that is an unnecessarily gruesome way to refer to death. And lastly, it's hilarious. Almost as funny as a T-Rex delivering pizza on a tricycle.

Here's a little bit of extra Julia, just to make your day:


For those two of you that knew her, tell me that this doesn't look like my Grandma Good. .

The Middle

This guy on the far side of my block has a weekly garage sale entirely directed towards selling one highly overpriced item for his weekly food budget (or so I'm convinced). Today I saw him selling one of those plastic see-through drawer things with wheels, but it didn't have wheels. And he wanted $18.00 for it. Wal-Mart charges $15.00 for the same thing brand new.

On Double-dipping - or - The Art of The Churchathon

Double-dipping: 1) After already dipping a chip, veggie or other food item into any form of dip, salsa or caso, and after taking a bite out of said food item, dipping that same food item a second time into any condiment whatsoever. 2) A little-known practice in which an individual attends multiple church services of different denominations on the same Sunday. 3) Deep frying anything, waiting for the greasy outer shell to dry and then deep frying that bad boy again.

While none of these practices are particularly well-regarded by society and while I do indeed practice all of them, I want to talk today about #2.

For almost my entire last semester at Hillsdale I woke up early on Sunday morning, went to the earliest possible mass at St. Anthony's, slipped out with only minutes to spare before a C.S. Lewis adult Sunday-school class, and then proceeded to a church service at the local United Brethren church. Today I attempted this for the first time in Colorado Springs. After attending the 8am mass at Divine Redeemer, taking a short break to play this game, I took the drive out to New Life Church on the “Jesus side of town" (home of the headquarters of Focus on the Family).

But why would I do this?

Well, that's a very complicated question. Mostly when I was double-dipping last spring it was for the sake of Traverse City sweet-cherry coffee, a heavenly brew served weekly at the C.S. Lewis class. Secondarily though, it's because I wanted to be comparing as critically as possible Catholicism and whatever I can find that closely resembled Grace Church (the church I first attended after becoming a Christian) Protestantism. So, after leaving Hillsdale fairly satisfied that I would be starting confirmation classes when I found a Catholic church in the Springs, I cut out the Protestant side of things for a couple months. So, why am I going back now? Three reasons: coffee, girls, and coffee (originally reason #3 was music, but I've since changed my priorities). To illustrate just how radical of a shift I have to undergo to pull off the double-dip, let me outline the day I've had so far.

Divine Redeemer: Walk in, find a pew, decide if I want to cross myself and genuflect or look more like the wannabe that I am. Look around, find the one person my age amidst the flocks of families who were here being Catholic since before this state was part of America and old Irish grandmothers who have the misfortune of following their grandkids from the east coast out to the desert wasteland of the American West. Sing a couple songs. Homily. Feel weird being the only person who doesn't go up for Communion, and we're done.

New Life: Drive around for 15 minutes trying to find a parking spot. Park in section K row 15. Try to figure out which building on the New Life campus is the one where worship actually happens. Walk through a lobby big enough to hold four Divine Redeemer's into a sanctuary which is probably capable of seating more people and pumping out more decibels than any concert venue in the state. Sit in the one open seat I can find in the 7^th section. Realize that not only does this sanctuary house seven projection screens, a flag for every country and a twelve person band (including a guy with two turn-tables), but also a mosh-pit (not even kidding). Sing a couple REALLY LONG songs. Feel weird being the only person who feels weird about taking Communion, and we're done.

So Zach, after the concert did you sip some hot latte and talk about Purpose Driven Life with a flock of eligible young Jesus-freaks? Nope. I walked around a bit, realized that there was no coffee and that I was a quarter-mile from (though in the same building as) the Guest Center and then once again, for the 12^th Sunday in a row, no one at church spoke to me (outside of the obligatory “good morning” or “peace be with you”) and I left. It's not that I mind that most people I interact with in daily life are trying to get me to join a cult, vote for Obama or give them my loose change. I would just like to talk to some guys my age who aren't cult-leaders and maybe some girls who shave their armpits. Such is life.

Coming this week:

• A helpful product and/or website review (I haven't decided yet).
  
• A tribute to Joss Whedon and his lovable cohorts.
• "The Bachelor's Kitchen"
• More talk with volunteers at the Obama camp and a trip to McCain headquarters.
• A look into exactly how wild (and by wild I mean relatively behind in freedom crushing legislation) the west really is.
• And finally...Some funny stuff.

Got a blog or a personal website? We should trade links. Just link me on your page and leave a comment here with your URL so I can do the same for you.