Happiness Ltd.

CSprings never ceases to amaze. I'm one of only two patrons at Pike's Perk this afternoon; the other is a well-dressed man, about 6' 4", with sunglasses and a complexion suggesting either Russian or Italian ancestry.

He caught my attention as he walked past the storefront windows and into the shop, but his appearance didn't merit retelling until I saw that he was holding the door open - for nobody. After he was satisfied that his invisible companion had made his way into the shop, he proceeded up to the counter and ordered. Once he took a seat, I finally saw the reason he had held the door. A small dog, previously hidden from view by a couch, hobbled over to where the man was sitting and threw himself onto the floor beneath his owner's chair.

This dog (I think it was a Maltese) was unleashed, had only three legs, and a beard. It looked as though, during periodic trimming, the hair around the dog's face had been allowed to grow out until he had a beard that was a good four inches longer than the rest of his hair and nearly reached the ground. What an odd pair. They deserve to be characters in a novel.

My Cast of Characters

I don't have any friends. None. Colorado Springs, like the sands of Arrakis, only provides enough to survive on and friends are a luxury it refuses to afford me. That doesn't mean, however, that I don't have important people in my life. Here is a quick rundown of some of the notables.

1. Favorite Homeless Guy - throughout the summer I walked two miles to work and back every day through downtown CSprings. It was a really nice way to start my day and, coupled with my evening walks with Brad, it allowed me to get acquainted with the area. While I never dare hope to see someone from downtown more than once, as most are just passing through, there are some constants: the homeless. My favorite, by far, is a fifty-something scruffy-looking black man, who always asks for my change. He always has a creative response, whether you contribute to his cause or not, my favorite being "God bless ya, sir." I once gave him a piece of strawberry pie from the Corner Cafe.

2. Geek on the Street - Early this summer I was met on my walk home by Urkel-incarnate. Before I knew what was happening, the 5' 6", skin and bones, suit-wearing early 90's star was giving me the bro handshake and attempting to sell me a journalism project he did on modern art so that he could "buy batteries for his tape recorder, pens, notebooks, etc." Evidently the aspiring journalist, despite being weird as all get-out, is a fixture of downtown Springs, and writes a weekly column for the local periodical Newspeak.

3. Charismatic Catholic - Catholics are generally known for the austerity of their worship, but one parishioner at Divine Redeemer is breaking the mold. Regardless of the tempo of the hymn and looks of disgust from neighboring pews, she claps, dances, ribbon dances, and creates handmotions for all her favorites. Yesterday I was given the privilege of sharing a pew with her, and what a special Sunday it was. She was sporting a denim vest with F.R.O.G. (Fully Relying on God) written in puffy paint on the back, and her 7-yaer-old daughter made quite a stir when she pulled her entire family from one end of the pew to the other so she could hold my hand during The Lord's Prayer.

4. My Boss - As a junior high English teacher I report directly to both my principal and the head of the English department. One of them is the sweetest lady I have ever met; the other has actually given me nightmares on multiple occasions. Both are there to make sure I don't end up screwing up these kids for life, but their methods of doign so differ vastly. While I'd already been observed by a school board member and a parent, I had no idea what fear could do to a man until the head of the English department, a five-foot tall blonde woman in her 50's, came in and sat down in the back of my class. My throat tightened, I froze up, started sweating, and if she hadn't showed up on a day where my students were giving speeches for most of the hour, I don't know what would have become of me.

5. Gentle Giant - There is a janitor at my school who is the height and build of Lou Ferrigno, can pick up the copy machine and hurl it to the other size of campus, and is at least a head taller than anyone else at the school. He stopped me as I was leaving school on Thursday to give me the most soft spoken and heartfelt thank-you because he saw me picking up paper scraps in my room before I left. Then, on Friday, he happened to eat lunch at the same time as I did and spoke at length about his worries regarding the carpool line, and how he was sure some student would get hurt if the parents didn't learn to slow down and obey the traffic signs.


And if seeing Sarah Palin on TV for the next four years wasn't reason enough to vote Republican, know that we'll also get Tina Fey as Sarah Palin on SNL for the whole term. That's the best reason to be passionate about this election that I've heard yet.