Someday Soon

Today was the PTO teacher appreciation lunch.

For the 12 teachers in the 7th and 8th grades the parents provided: enchiladas, four kinds of bread, bread sticks, two kinds of ravioli, three soups, chili, four or five kinds of potato/nacho/bean salad, three different flavors of chicken wings (probably 50 of each kind), sub sandwiches, an entire turkey complete with stuffing and all the desserts you could handle.

It was decadent. Especially since I don't usually eat much for lunch.

So, in preparation for writing a bit about Walking Tall (action movie starring The Rock) I did a Google Image search. Turns out it had not just one, but two sequels. Both starring Kevin Sorbo of TV's Hercules: The Legendary Journeys fame. That's when you know your film was a real winner: when you have two sequels in which you downgrade your star from a pro-wrestler to a washed up actor for a USA(the network, not the country)-only drama.



IMDB also thinks that the two sequels were released in the same year...

Anyway, I liked the movie, but, like I Am Legend, it never really went anywhere.

I liked it mostly because it had The Rock in it, but also because it depicts how The Rock's character (Chris Vaughn) returns to his small-town home after a eight year stint in the army only to find that everything he once loved about his hometown has been destroyed. The lumber mill which used to employ most of the town's residents has been shut down and the economic center has become a crooked casino, which both employs Vaughn's ex-girlfriend as a stripper and fronts a meth lab which sells to his teenage nephew.

I guess I like it because it attempted to portray what it's like to open your eyes one day to see just how screwed up the world you thought you knew really is, and how difficult it is to do something about it.

Maybe Hamlet said it best: "The time is out of joint, O cursed spite! That ever I was born to set it right."

Walking Tall claims to be inspired by a true story, which seems unbelievable to me, but if it is true I would love to read more about the story. The idea of one man redeeming a community like that is inspiring.

This post will probably fall on deaf ears, I doubt anyone has seen the movie, but the point is that it affected me because I miss home and if I'm going to be doing good in the world I'd like to be doing it for people I know and love. And, while I don't doubt that in some way I'm being prepared for that where I am, it's difficult to wait.

And if that was boring, he's a YouTube of clips from The Office:



P.S. I'm totally winning at Christmas. More tomorrow. With pictures.

Breakfast...

The following post is not for women, children, or anyone else who either prides themselves on their domestic abilities or will be eating in the next hour.


Top Five "Bachelor's Kitchen" Moments of Summer '08

There's absolutely no way that I've really remember the best of the worst of our eating habits this summer, but here's a wrap-up to keep Leroy and Brad reflecting on just how good they have it back in the civilized world.

5. The Spaghetti Quick Fix: This is probably a pretty good trick, though I never intended it to be one. After making a big batch of chicken alfredo for Brad and I there was a pretty sizable surplus of noodles. Wanting to eat the food while it was hot, I left the noodles in the pan and headed to the party porch (which really deserves it's own post). Approximately two days later I rediscovered the pan of noodles (about 1/8 full), and when I stabbed the starchy mass it came out all at once leaving the pan totally clean. Now, this probably was just because it was teflon coated pan, but I like to think that I did something clever to save myself some clean-up.

4. Magic Bread: This bread (pictured below) was purchased for Jose's birthday dinner. About half of the loaf was used for garlic bread and the other half was, for some unknown reason, put into a Wal-Mart bag and thrown into the refrigerator. That would have been about a month and a half ago. After re-discovering this bread on Friday I ate it for dinner last night. It wasn't even hard. Turns out that bread keeps for an extra month or so in the fridge. But, then again, if you aren't a bachelor, your fridge is probably already full.

3. Ice Cream Cubes: Since I didn't have an ice cream scoop, when it came time for Brad and I to finish off the cookies and cream we had gotten earlier for a desert I had made (which consisted of a cake-pan of freshly baked cookie dough topped with ice cream), there was only one way to dish it out. We simply ripped the cardboard box off of the ice cream, dumped it in a bowl and used a steak knife to cut it into two equal halves. No waiting, no unnecessary melting, no need for proper utensils.

2. Bradcakes: For the first couple weeks (read: months) of summer we didn't have a frying pan, but we did have an abundance of pancake mix. One day Brad broke down and decided he would use whatever he could find and, by Hercules, he was going to make himself some pancakes. What you see below isn't some intermediate stage. It's actually the finished product. A pile of syrup-covered mush we like to call Bradcakes.

1. The Banana Solution: Okay, so it's kind of a lame number one, but "The Banana Solution" is really just a hypothetical event. Let me set this one up for you. The Bachelor, as we all know, is by far the most versatile homemaker because he is by far the most flexible. No matter what the problem is he can solve it with only two sets of salad forks, a bread-knife, and a family sized bottle of seasoned salt. The Bachelor also has only one motivation in his domestic endeavors beyond basic survival and that is being able to disguise the squalor he lives just quickly enough to deceive any member of the fairer sex that might accidentally stumble into his hovel. So, without further ado, "The Banana Solution": the other day Brad, Jose, and Leroy were talking and I, walking past the bathroom, spoke my immediate thought "something smells...unfortunate" and instantly my mind raced to figure out what I would do to cover up such an offensive odor if at that very moment an actual girl were to walk into my apartment. I inventoried my house: 4 computers, 268 books, 38 pairs of unwashed socks, an entire pack of freezer pops, left over garlic bread and... of course! I would flush a partially rotten banana down the toilet. Problem solved.



My food situation greatly improved on Friday when Brad and Leroy left a hearty stash of tasty snacks for me as a thank-you for letting them entertain me this summer. Included in their gift were: Wheat Thins, Oreos, milk, Gatorade Rain (otherwise known as water 2.0, the only real modification God has made to our planet's elemental make-up since Genesis), ground cinnamon and hazelnut coffee.



I've come to the conclusion that there must be something unnatural in Wheat Thins. There is no way that a un-enhanced "whole wheat snack" could so cripple my resolve that I would pass up Cool Ranch Doritos, Oreos, and chilled Peanut Butter M&M's and eat an entire box of Wheat Thins before Brad's sleeping-couch was even cold.


So, these helpful anecdotes should get you all set for first and second breakfast, brunch, lunch, elevensies, supper, and dinner.

And remember, if the women don't find you hansome, they'll at least find you handy.

- Podo Danderfluff of Willowbottom

Send Me On My Way

I've decided to save my interview with the friendly cats at Obama headquarters for tomorrow in favor of a more timely post. For those of you who are sick of waiting for the first in my much alluded to Campaign '08 series, just listen to the song "Apathetic Way to Be" by Relient K and rest assured that it will be up by 10am tomorrow.

For those of you who don't know already I've been working at a small cafe in downtown CSprings this summer and after previous summers spent working at a car auction (now closed due to severe cocaine-related bankruptcy), a moving company, and campus security, I can say that washing dishes, waiting tables and deep-frying the crap out of whatever crosses my path at The Corner Cafe has been, by far, my favorite summer job. And today was my last day.

After arriving in CSprings this summer I spent a half a week just waiting to move into my apartment during which I slept on the ground in a state park. But, after I finally moved in it only took one day of job searching before I got a call from Bob and Virginia at The Corner Cafe and before I knew it I had been interviewed and fitted for a shirt. I was working the next Monday, two days after moving in.

I have an almost miraculous tendency for finding good people wherever I go (maybe there are more of them than I thought) and Bob and Virginia are thus far my favorite Coloradans (Colorodians, Colodites?). They gave me a great job that allowed me to spend a lot of time reading and getting to know the city, they let me eat breakfast and lunch every day on the house (they even sometimes fed me on Saturdays), but most of all they asked daily how I was doing, had I talked to my family, what was my apartment like, etc. They have been no less than surrogate parents this summer and today they really went above and beyond and got me a going away present:

A nice card, a coffee maker, filters and coffee.

I mentioned to Virginia about a week after I started work that I hadn't had coffee a couple weeks. What followed what a mom-like one-sided argument about why me being happy and having coffee every once in awhile was worth the money I would be spending on it. I, however, being the cheap, loan-encumbered teacher-to-be that I am never did get around to buying a coffee maker.

Their gift was a total surprise and it really showed me how even two months spent with someone can really have an impact on them. For better or for worse. While I will miss Bob, Virginia, Steve and Marquina, I won't have too much time to bemoan the loss of my apron: tomorrow is my first day of training at Cheyenne Mountain Charter Academy. If you didn't know already I'm going to be teaching 8th grade English and an introductory Latin class to a combination of 7th and 8th graders. So, if you've got any sweet classroom ideas, leave 'em in a comment.

And now, your moment of Zen:




























Since I'll be officially starting at Cheyenne tomorrow it's going to get harder and harder to keep daily posts coming. So, if you're actually reading this stuff, give a shout out in the comments and let me know that I'm not just throwing around the bits and bytes for my own narcissistic enjoyment. Also, if you're sick of me talking about myself feel free to give me something to talk about. Just leave a comment that says "Zach, what do you think about Nutrigrain bars or human/unicorn relationships?" and I'll be sure to give you my 2 cents.

Too Much Food

Last Friday Jose, Brad, Leroy and I decided to go out for dinner. Italian was on the menu and we were hungry. Proceeding foot-wise towards downtown we stopped at a little place called Panino's. We had pizza on the brain, but a good looking menu and CSprings Independent choice award changed our minds. One by one we selected from a list of their signature "Panino Sandwich". Pizza, Hawaiian, BBQ, Green Chili - we each made our pick and we waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Not only was the service slow, the lighting subpar and the atmosphere downright vampiric, but also it turns out a "Panino Sandwich" is just a piece of pizza folded onto another piece of pizza. The sides: a bowl of soup that we almost got charged $2 extra for, a 2 ounce container of coleslaw and three potato chips left nothing undesired. To add insult to injury we paid roughly $12 each for these paltry pint-sized pizza-droppings. We vowed revenge, and last night we got it.

The Scene: Panino's

The Game: All you can eat pizza for $5.95.

The Players:

Zach "the devastator" Good: As the leader of this crusade I set an example for my soldiers by fasting all day, forcing each man to set a goal and achieve it, and generally demonstrating an unbridled hatred for the Colorado Springs restaurant scene and what it had done to us.

Brad "the pit" Osborne: Second in command of the operation. He showed up (as did I) over 45 minutes before "the clean up crew" arrived. Putting away two medium pizzas by himself and consuming only half a glass of water during battle, Brad was a force to be reckoned with.


Jose "the sleeping giant" Orozco: Jose demonstrated his commitment to the team by grabbing Leroy and driving down from Denver right after getting out of work. Despite his mild-mannered appearance we learned during the course of the onslaught that Jose was a veteran "aggressive eater" and, though his specialty is the hot dog circuit, his signature "jalapeno sandwich" move proved that he has was it takes to hold his own in the world of competitive pizza-wrecking.


Leroy aka "Eric" Louis "Crazy Eyes" Mary-Beth Phipps: Check out this crazy mug. Weighing in at roughly 25.7 newtons/square inch this guy can really pack away the 'za. Leroy was quick on his feet, never let a waiter go by, and, like his "bash-brother" Jose, absolutely trumped his own pizza-pounding-predictions.

The Score: In toto we consumed 6 medium pizzas plus change. We ordered new rounds of pizza every time the waiter got within 20 feet of us. Below is everyone's "predicted" and "actual" count in number of slices. We got 'em... We got 'em good.



P to the S: Last night, in an effort to alleviate our gastric discomfort, we sought out the soda springs of Manitou and on the way happened to see that Obama's CSprings campaign headquarters was still open. I stopped in, chatted it up a bit, and picked up some literature. I'm headed back there tonight to talk turkey. Hopefully (unless time is just too short) you'll hear more about that tomorrow.